You walk into the Burger King at the Clara Barton rest stop on the NJ Turnpike.  Quick for ten points, who was Clara Barton?  (See answer below) Amid the vast choices of spectacular food you choose an exotic burger (that’s sarcasm for those of you who’ve never been to the teeny Clara Barton rest stop) and ask for extra ketchup and mustard.

Pretty standard so far?

Since Burger Kings north of the Mason Dixon line assume no one would ever want mustard on their burger, you’re told it’s strictly do it yourself.  Which means unwrapping the burger, disassembling it, adding that tangy yellow condiment yourself.  You know you’d better do it before you get back in your car or your entire wardrobe, seat cushions, and dashboard will all be yellow before you’re through.

Here’s a picture of the condiment bar at Burger King:

Now, being a normal person … I hear snickers in the audience and I know who you are … you pull out the logical choice for mustard in its bright yellow package and pour it over your burger.  While you do this, your husband is tapping his foot in annoyance telling you to speed it up before he gets stuck in rush hour.  Other women stand around you doing the same thing with little children tugging on their coats and crying — while their husbands also tap their feet.  You smile at them in sympathy.

This is what your mustard looks like:

It doesn’t look like this hot sauce or whatever it might be in the section to the left:

You quickly spray it at your burger only to realize you’ve pelted your burger with LEMON JUICE instead of mustard!  In the words of Charlie Brown:  AAUGH Good Grief!

Here they are side-by-side:

Now tell me Burger King, why did you do that? Is your idea of mustard an orangey-brown that looks like hot sauce or something vile like up chuck?  Could you not have put a picture of a lemon on the lemon juice packet? Are there a lot of people who are coming into BK for tea?

So now, I and my burger are sprayed with juice, and the burger is essentially ruined, as is my blouse.  It seems that lemon in a packet sprays even more than lemon in wedge-form does.

What do you think? I’d love to know your gripes, too.  Look out for more of my gripes and my kudos — because one isn’t fair without the other — coming up soon.

Answer to question above:

Clara Barton was an amazing woman in American History.  She not only started the first public school in New Jersey, she was the first female full patent clerk in the U.S.,  and she also founded the American Red Cross.  Any one of those would have been astounding.  She gave her heart and soul to making this country better in a hundred different ways and in proving women could be equal of men.

I think that deserves a rest stop in New Jersey, don’t you? 😉

XO